A Dress Is Not Always Sexy
by Nezumi's Cheese
Summary: China can make a maid dress look good. No doubt there. But...with Russia..."No, Ivan, you, in fact, do not look sexy in a maid dress, aru." Why was the guy wearing a maid dress anyway? Rochu.


In which, my friend and I explore sick fetishes for lurvs. No, not really but I had fun taking his challenge anyhow. This is a short crack-ish drabble.

Challenge: China is always the one who cross dresses while Russia notices. Do it vice-versa.

Warnings: Mention of human names, OOC, crack, some disturbing images, yaoi, RoChu, some hints of FrUk, and an Angry China since Angry Chinas are always funny.

Disclaimer: I no own Hetalia so you no sue, okay?

/

Drabble One: Maid Dress

What was that country thinking? Seriously.

Yao could only choke on his barley tea when his eyes fell on a sight that _should not have been seen_.

"Yao-Yao~"

Was that….No, it couldn't be, could it, aru? What did he do to deserve this? He was just sipping tea, reading a Chinese newspaper, and minding his own business in his house. He did not deserve to see this first thing in the morning!

"Do you like what I'm wearing, da~?"

Crap, it was.

In front of the Chinese nation was a _very _happy Russian nation in a _French maid _dress. Seriously, what the hell?

"I-Ivan, what are you wearing, aru?"

"A dress, Yao-Yao! You like, da?" The nation twirled happily in the laced and revealing dress, complete with garters and headbands and all. Yao covered his eyes and looked away at the illegal amount of skin exposed on the country. It was sickening.

"Don't I look good, Yao-Yao~?"

"No, Ivan. You are not sexy in a maid dress."

"...What?"

"Ivan…d-did Francis put you up to this? Cuz if he did…"

"Da~! I talked to him early this morning! He lent it to me! He said that it's perfectly healthy to cross dress for couples!"

"Ivan…this is Francis we're talking about, aru."

"Da~."

"Ivan…._Francis_."

"What is the matter, Yao? You don't like my maid dress?"

"Ivan…do you know where that _dress _has _been_?"

"Um….no?"

"Ivan, I suggest you take that…that _thing_ off if you don't want to be stricken with some hidden sexual disease, aru."

"Aww, so Francis WAS right. He did mention that this dress should raise our frequency for sex. He was right! I take off my clothes now, da~?"

"Wait, n-no! It isn't like that, aru! Uwah, Ivan-Mmmph!"

0.o.0.o.0.

"Hey there, panda dude! What's up-"

Yao was not in the mood to anyone. Let alone the American who owed him more money than he could barely keep track. So, the Chinese man shoved the American who, in turn, yelped in surprise.

"Whoa there man! What crawled up your ass and died? And…are you limping?"

"Shut up, aru. Tell me where the hell I can find that fleabag, Francis."

"Why, I think he's having a quickie in the supply closet with Iggy and all but-"

"Francis is…I swear to every Chinese dragon in the sky…"

"I know, right? I mean, who the heck starts dragging guys in the supply closets for blow jobs? That's just totally sick! You know- Hey, where you going?"

Francis will pay. Yao winced faintly to the pain shooting up his backside but he ignored it in rage. Francis's stupid and farfetched idea has brainwashed Ivan into keeping the filthy dress. The Russian nation was fully convinced that it had "powers to rival Baba Yaga." After many rounds of sex and passing out, Yao nearly had a heart attack when he woke up with Ivan straddling his legs with the infamous dress on. The Chinese nation nearly died. It did not help that Ivan took Yao's response as disappointment and offered to let him wear the dress too.

"_You will look sexy too, da~?"_

Seriously, what the hell, aru?

Where was the supply closet anyway?

Yao had to backtrack several doors when he realized he passed the door. Angrily, he kicked the door open to reveal the French and English nations sucking face.

"W-Why, have you no indecency to k-knock?" Arthur spluttered angrily and sheepishly as he tried to button up his shirt.

"Ugh…mon ami…What is so important that you must bother me-"

"Take this filthy piece of rags back, aru! And don't give Ivan anymore ideas!"

"Eh…why? Did it not give you enough amour?"

Yao cursed indignantly in colorful Chinese curses and what Francis and Arthur could only label as gibberish before slamming the door and leaving them. And that was that.

0.o.0.o.0.

"Yao-Yao~ your dear brother, Kiku, gave us a whole set of maid dresses after he heard that I bragged to America of how successful our maid dress ruse went! He says he'll give us these for free if we set up some video cameras in our rooms~! Such a good deal, da~?"

Yao wept.

/

Cuz crack is good for the soul. Review?


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